Have always wanted to put my thoughts down on “paper” and lay out exactly how I believe on this topic. With all the things I am involved with, my position/thoughts get misconstrued all over the place. This entry is to collect a full thought on it and lay it out for easy reference.
Background: I am the product of a non-religious divorced family. I have been married 2.5 times, 1st was for 15 years, 2nd was on paper 9 months(was much less than that as I was trying to be nice with insurance, but different story), and the final one on paper 1.5 years (4+ years together). Although not religious growing up, I always knew that I wanted to have a normal family (HA!) and followed the traditional idea of marriage. With what I have seen in my travels, I am more convinced than ever in this model.
My views fly in the face of society today largely because they don’t understand it and want a caricature of what a marriage is. They, as usual, want the benefits but none of the responsibilities. Now for some U.S. history(and it will require some to actually think for once):
First off, marriage is 1)illegal and 2)is a legal contract having NOTHING to do with love, etc.
Lets talk about the legality of it, it is actually “illegal” for someone to get married, which is why you have to apply/receive a license from the state. There are more semantics and a whole lot in this, but I would be here for weeks. For other licenses, it is illegal to do without them, Drivers, gun, professional, etc. When you get your marriage license, you are being allowed to “break” the law and given permission (don’t get me started on everything baked into that).
It is a legal contract that depending on the laws of your state (community property, etc.) conveys rights and property to each other. The application, nor the license/certificate has the word “love” and anything like that anywhere on it:
Of special note, the marriage application asks if they are behind on child support, topic for another time.
Now the question of WHY the government even cares about marriage. Well, THE reason (outside of money and keeping you dependent on the government) is that a strong nation is based off of the nuclear family..and the breakdown in the nuclear family (husband, wife, and children) is what will destroy the nation (and if you are confused, open your eyes to society now). In fact, I just acquired the first ever government study on the topic that shows that divorce costs US Taxpayers (pg5) $112 Billion each year. Incidentally this document on pg7 talks about why the government cares.
Now, on to the moral/religious reasons for marriage…..
I firmly believe that marriage is to be between a man and a woman in a life long God ordained event, where children can be an outcome, but not necessarily. I also FIRMLY believe in the biblical view (umbrella image above) on the natural order of the family. Since we have detracted from that model, this is why we are all at where we are.
Back in Genesis (another education for some), my review of it is that Man chose Woman over God…hear me out. God actually ONLY told Adam to not eat from the tree of knowledge. Adam told Eve, but she chose to go against her husband and God. Adam didn’t want to lose Eve, so he too disobeyed. Satan approached Eve and emotionally convinced her to do something.
Now, when it was time to confess, Adam blamed God for giving him the woman, etc. Eve blamed the serpent. Verse 17 states that the curse was because Adam listened to Eve over God…and here we are today.
I have a very high view of marriage, Ephesians 5:25 and a lot of the problems is the couples do not comprehend this simple concept, women wish to be loved and men want respect.
In the umbrella, Each person has a role:
- God – well, he’s God, ’nuff said
- Husband – SERVANT leader of the family, protects the family, provides for the family (not just financially)
- Wife – comfort/teach/nurture
- Children – Love and obey parents
Men and Women are EQUAL, yet different. We EACH have our God granted roles in the relationship that we are designed to carry out. I told the divorce judge (who laughed at me by the way) that a man’s job is to teach his son how to be a good man to a wife and to teach a woman what she should look for in a man, and conversely the wife’s job is to teach her son the woman he should look for in a wife and teach her daughter the type of wife to be for a man.
The biggest misunderstanding (as usual) by the woman is that she thinks that this gives license for the husband to rule over her. Whats “funny” is God predicted this as shown in Genesis: “…Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you.” Basically, she wants the husbands role/job.
Nothing could be further from the truth. “Do we buy pepsi or coke”are not the items we are talking about where “Every” issue needs the husbands approval. An example I have used is suppose I receive a job offer in another state, would sit down and discuss with wife and discuss pros and cons to doing it. If we could not agree on staying vs going, I would look at whats good for the family and make a FINAL decision based on all the information.
Husbands are the servant leaders and if you think we are “making all the decisions” and “enjoying” our role being “da man”, THINK AGAIN! We are held to a higher standard and have more to answer for. Its simple math, someone has to make a final decision when things can’t be agreed on, men have that role. You can’t say you want a marriage (at the very least a biblical marriage) if that is the hangup.
My view of marriage has been consistent through the decades. sharing some personal documents of mine from my past life, which has not changed.
In my first marriage, I was abused and disrespected on every level. Am so happy to finally be free from that nutbar.
2nd (like to call it a .5 for obvious reasons) was I was naive and didn’t believe that most women are crazy/evil. Learned that lesson quick! And she lied about her intentions….a story for another day.
3rd is a keeper as she understands the foundation of a good marriage and we work daily to build it up.
I have a lot more documents, thoughts, etc. on marriage in general. I am a fan of a man and woman falling in love and having the great ever after. Marriage is a wonderful thing. I love my wife and I know that she loves me. We are a team!