How I became a Believer

Sit right back and you’ll hear a tale. A tale of the spiritual journey I never expected to go on, but went on none the less that led me to where I am today.

A little background, I grew up in a spiritually non existent home. I don’t say that to be mean, just that it was a fact, however, there were still little pieces of religion around me.

when I say that we weren’t religious, Christmas was about the fat guy in the suit, had no clue about Jesus, God or anything else like that. I do remember my grandma listening to kmox on Sunday mornings and they would have hymns and stuff, but never really talked about it.

My bio-mother was raised Catholic, but she was the a-typical cafeteria C&E’r (Christmas and Easter), well, actually worse than that, she never went to church or did anything that I would consider good, but would always tell people that she needs to have a priest pray over her when she dies….but anyway.

My first run-in with death/mortality was while watching Transformers: The Movie, which in the first 20 minutes had my beloved transformers die INCLUDING Optimus Prime. If you think that it didn’t impact me, here is a video my mother in law took of me while at the Transformers ride in Universal Studios December 2018. You can hear me choke up talking about it.

After that movie, I began to dwell on my own mortality and the big what ifs of the world. I remember asking my dad about the topic while sitting on the porch with him. He basically told me that “this” was all there was, which made me feel even worse, but I came to accept it (especially in light of all the other things that were going on).

My childhood best friend, a Roman Catholic tried to teach me it from his perspective, however, after an innocent, albiet horrible procedural snafu during a mass, I was bitched out by father Schmalzt and thrown out of “the church”.

The only other “religious” encounters I can remember worth mentioning was when my dad (unknowingly) sent me to a deaf camp over a summer where we were all encouraged to say “the prayer”….I do remember after saying it, saying that I don’t deserve it/or I wasn’t ready (whatever it was in the mind of a 10 year old) and feeling “whatever” it was leave my body. I also remember when I was about 5, my bio-mom who let (who I assume where LDS) a church camp take me for the day.  

A pre-internet kid living in a small town had limited resources/access, so my spiritual search consisted of checking out school library books on out of body experiences and things like that.

Looking back at that time, I remember one teacher in particular trying to share Christian information with the class.

My next interaction was when I was introduced to my now ex-in laws. They were (I saw were because at one time they were good people, however, after the husband passed away, the women in that family went batty). They were the area’s typical Vatican I kinda familiar with Vatican II type Roman Catholics. Church was a required thing because its what you do. they would read the bible, but not outside of the RCC teachings. Book was a lot of stories, but the Church had everything. I was eager to fit in and went through all of the classes, being baptized (much to my fathers displeasure).

Things went along “normally” for the next 10 plus years and after moving to Texas, we became less C&E’s even. I laugh because it had been so long since we had been to Elizabeth Ann Seton church, they had done some massive construction/additions and when we took my now ex-mother in law to church, I exclaimed “Wow, they have really don’t a lot of work. This whole building wasn’t here last time.” The ex-wife was always good at lying and had been telling her mother that we had been going….when obviously we had not.

So, in the winter of 2004, after leaving a successful career to try to appease the ex-family (and couldn’t), quit my new job in Indiana and moved back to Texas…unemployed. I had quit smoking after reading info on whyquit and began looking for new work. Pope Benedict XVI had just been elected and, I’ll never forget this, made a comment on Fox news that the bible and dinosaurs were not in conflict as the bible was not accurate and to rely on the church. I don’t to know why, but that comment really resonated with me…so I started to do research.

After receiving permission to get high speed internet, I began doing research on the topic and was shocked at what I was “learning”.

I remember kneeling at my bed and praying that “I don’t know if you (God) are real or made up in my head, but help me figure it out whatever way it goes.”. I did find a sense of peace come over me after I said those words.

The next day I began conducting research and trying to determine what I believed and why. To make it as “Scientific” as possible, I broke it down into basics and relied a lot on various debates to get the basis for an arguement as well as the best/worst arguments for each. 

I have a library of over 500 books that I have read along with the way, that I just began acquiring as one person would reference this or that book and rather than take their word for it, would buy the book and read it. 

I basically started out at “ground zero” as an atheist (later learning that that isn’t correct) and the idea of duality knocked me from that position. Trying to explain it is that there is a mind/body. A few examples: 1) imagine an elephant in your mind. Is it real? But is it there non the less? and 2) there was a guy having brain surgery and they were moving his arm, but he was trying to stop it from happening. Then there is the Kalam argument and a number of others that I wont bore anyone with. The idea of beginning of the universe, etc. 

From there I start looking at the top 50 or so “religions” and began investigating them.

<more to come>

HOW THE APOSTLES and SOME DISCIPLES OF CHRIST DIED:
1. Matthew – suffered martyrdom in Ethiopia, killed by a sword wound.
2. Mark – died in Alexandria, Egypt, after being dragged by horses through the streets until he was dead.
3. Luke – was hanged in Greece as a result of his tremendous preaching to the lost.
4. John – faced martyrdom when he was boiled in a huge basin or caldron of boiling oil during a wave of persecution in Rome. However, he was miraculously delivered from death. John was then sentenced to the mines on the prison island of Patmos. He wrote his prophetic Book of Revelation there on the island of Patmos . The apostle John was later freed and returned to serve as bishop of Edessa in modern day Turkey . He died as an old man, the only apostle to die peacefully.
5. Peter – was crucified upside down on a cross. According to church tradition it was because he told his tormentors that he felt unworthy to die in the same way that Jesus Christ had died.
6. James – the leader of the church in Jerusalem, was thrown down over a hundred feet from the southeast pinnacle of the Temple when he refused to deny his faith in Christ. When they discovered that he survived the fall, his enemies beat James to death with a fuller’s club. *This was the same pinnacle where Satan had taken Jesus during the temptation.
7. James the Son of Zebedee – was a fisherman by trade when Jesus called him to a lifetime of ministry. As a strong leader of the church, James was beheaded at Jerusalem. The Roman officer who guarded James watched in amazement as James defended his faith at his trial. Later, the officer walked beside James to the place of execution. Overcome by conviction, the Roman officer declared his new faith to the judge and knelt beside James to accept beheading as a Christian.
8. Bartholomew – also known as Nathaniel was a missionary to Asia. He witnessed for our Lord in present day Turkey. Bartholomew was martyred for his preaching in Armenia where he was flayed to death by a whip.
9. Andrew – was crucified on an X-shaped cross in Patras, Greece. After being whipped severely by seven soldiers they tied his body to the cross with cords to prolong his agony. His followers reported that, when he was led toward the cross, Andrew saluted it in these words: ‘I have long desired and expected this happy hour. The cross has been consecrated by the body of Christ hanging on it.’ He continued to preach to his tormentors for two days until he expired.
10. Thomas – was stabbed with a spear in India during one of his missionary trips to establish the church in the Sub-continent.
11. Jude – was killed with arrows when he refused to deny his faith in Christ.
12. Matthias – the apostle chosen to replace the traitor Judas Iscariot, was stoned and then beheaded.
13. Paul – was tortured and then BEHEADED by the evil Emperor Nero at Rome in A.D. 67. Paul endured a lengthy imprisonment, which allowed him to write his many epistles to the churches he had formed throughout the Roman Empire. These letters, which taught many of the foundational doctrines of Christianity, form a large portion of the New Testament.