“Hoarder”….or being messy

Came across this old video from my previous life 5+ years ago, when I was in the “frustration” phase of figuring out my ex-wife was a nutjob. While I will be writing more on this topic later, watching this video made me remember what my and the boy’s lives were like living with that cancerous cockroach.

The house that I owned was 2,500 sq ft and she was a “SAHM” while I worked, took care of the kids, cooked, cleaned, etc. (from my research, this is common for men). As my confusion over everything continued to turn to frustration, I was talking with my hetero-lifemate “Parker” about it, trying to make sense. I couldn’t understand why when I would clean a room or the house, within hours (sometimes minutes) she would come along and mess it up. We concluded that, amongst other things, she was a hoarder.

With the benefit of time, I’ve learned that it wasn’t “my fault”. Over the years, the boys have expressed THEIR frustration in that her rental house is EVEN messier (if that’s possible). The oldest REFUSES to go over there (course, its not JUST the nastiness of the house) and the youngest keeps asking when he can live with us full time, but a post for another day.

 

In contrast, my home has order (and I am sensitive to any type of messiness):

 

2 Comments

  • Laura MacDonald

    May 15, 2019 10:53 pm
    Reply

    I can imagine it is frustrating. However, you need to know that hoarding is a mental illness. It starts for many reasons and once it has gotten out of control the thought of letting go of “things” is overwhelming. Did you guys seek help? Was she willing? No matter what she is still your childrens mother and needs to be respected. Not endured, but respected. If they understand it is a mental illness maybe they won’t be mad at her but can understand that they need to set boundaries. I am sure no one hates her or dislikes her more then she dislikes herself even if she does not show it or say it. And I am sure there is more here then just the hoarding. But embarrassing her is not the answer either. It is a bad environment for your kids, it is a bad environment for you and for her. You can remove yourself but she is stuck in it. If I am wrong please correct me or if I am not seeing clearly.

    • admin

      May 15, 2019 5:21 pm
      Reply

      Hoarding was one of the many issues that she has(d). I attempted over the years to get her help, counseling, etc. was all a waste of time. the boys have other reasons to be mad at her, hoarding didnt do that, her attitude towards them and what she did to me ruined that. We are divorced (thankfully), I just leave it out here as a reminder, and a discussion topic.

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